A Soundtrack to Recovery
I love music, and for me, each song has its own meaning. I
created a mix CD that chronicled my path through the lyrics of the
songs. Each one was chosen for a reason, and I think the message
changes over the course of the CD from one of confusion and fear, to
surrender, and hope. Not every song completely applies to my
situation, but each one has at least a line that I felt captured where I
was at a particular moment in time.
Try creating your own "Journey" mix. Email me with
ideas for songs, and I'll post them here! This is the track listing
to my Journey CD, with explanations for why I included each song.
Click on the title, and you can see the lyrics.
 | "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan.
This is very much how I felt at the
beginning of my eating disorder. I felt like it was the only way
I would find acceptance, and I wanted it to take over me completely. |
| "Ana's Song (Open Fire)" by
Silverchair. The first ED song I
ever heard. It captured that hideous blend of blessing and curse
that an eating disorder embodies. |
| "Jackie's Strength" by Tori Amos.
I needed the strength she sings of here, as I began to "turn
myself inside out, in hopes someone would see." |
| "I Think God Can Explain" by
Splender. I wanted everyone to
believe that I was alright. I couldn't explain what was
happening to me, but I knew there must be a reason. |
| "Lucky" by Britney Spears.
The only Britney song I like! I identified with the girl who has
to put on that mask of perfection, but feels like she's falling apart
inside. |
| "Breathe" by Faith Hill.
It's a love song, but when things got rough, I started telling myself
to "just breathe." It became my mantra, and I fell in
love with the song. |
| "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by
Nine Days. This became my story,
pure and simple. |
| "Someone Searching" by Ginny Owens.
What I thought would save me had begun to destroy me. I was
lost, wandering blindly, searching for something. What, I didn't
know. I'm still not completely sure. |
| "State of Mind" by Merrill
Bainbridge. This song is how I felt
when it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. I was too deep
into my eating disorder to make a clear choice between sickness and
health. |
| "Wise Up" by Aimee Mann. This
was the turning point for me. I knew I had screwed up. I
had made a mistake, gone too far. I just didn't know how to get
back. |
| "Bent" by Matchbox 20.
Wondering if I was beyond help. I was honestly very scared. |
| "Let Her Cry" by Hootie and the
Blowfish. What would it be like if
I felt free to be myself, to come and go as I had to, to cry if that's
what my heart needed? |
| "Own Me" by Ginny Owens.
I have that "stack of books, half-read." Finally
beginning to realize that I would need someone else's strength to get
me out of this hole. |
| "Child" by Tara Maclean.
The reply of God, my mother, someone who heard my cries and
knew everything would be alright. |
| "I Will Rest in You" by Jaci
Velasquez. Still wandering, I long
to rest in God's arms as I used to. |
| "Time of Your Life" by Green
Day. This song reminds me that
everything happens for a reason, and all the things I'd been through
were a lesson. How I used them was what was important. |
| "Ready for the Storm" by Deanta.
A beautiful Scottish song. It reflects my new, if shaky,
strength, and my knowledge that hard times were still going to come,
and I would be ready for them. |
| "If I Fall" by Tara Maclean.
Come full circle, I am ready to start again, knowing that I can pick
myself up "if I fall." As Tara said, it's about
getting off your butt and doing something with your life. |
